New York Mag's Dossier on Prince Harry

Prince Harry's trip to the United States yesterday did not contain events like attending birthday parties dressed as a Nazi, nor snorting shots of vodka with his blokes as they suction-cup wine glasses to their nipples on his itinerary.

Instead, Harry visited wounded soldiers at Walter Reed and witnessed the destruction left by Hurricane Sandy in New Jersey. The prince even managed to find time to squeeze in a game of polo in Greenwich, Connecticut.

Tell us Big H, where did the fun, partying playboy go?

New York magazine's Ashley Collman presents a dossier of Harry's past tomfoolery in the May 13 issue that contains extensive research.

Aside from general information like date of birth, age and education, Collman creates a track record of Harry's mishaps.

Everything from swallowing a live goldfish at the wedding of a former nanny to losing a game of strip billiards in Las Vegas, Harry has done it all.

This again begs the question, "What happened to Harry?" Did the military really straighten him out?

Doubtful, considering Harry got called out for comparing his gunner job to playing video games. Could this be the reason for his army buddies dubbing him "Bullet Magnet?" One could only assume.

What makes the article great, however, is the diagram showing all of Harry's rumored female acquaintances. New York mag even divides the diagram based on social class: socialite, commoners and minor celebrities. Most intriguing is that Pippa Middleton traded flirty texts back and forth with her brother-in-law. Now that is saucy.

We shouldn't be so critical of the 28-year-old prince. After all, who wouldn't love to record the voice-mail greeting of Queen Elizabeth with your older brother?

“Wassup, this is Liz. Sorry I’m away from the throne. For a hotline to Philip, press one …”

Twerk Hard, Play Hard

Get those clever puns ready, writers. Spin has the perfect article that "twerks" for you!

A group of 33 high school students were suspended for a week after twerking during sixth period at Scripps Ranch High School in San Diego.

Twerking has become a popularized dance move in which—well, why bother defining it since the picture above explains it all (and yes, Uggs are a must).

The "SRHS Twerk Team 2013" used school equipment to film the impromptu video on campus and uploaded it on YouTube. Miley Cyrus would be proud.

When something like this happens we thank those responsible. Spin's Chris Martins thoroughly probed Twitter and found some musician's reactions to the incident.

"@diplo #expelyourself," tweeted the DJ and producer Diplo, whose record label Mad Decent produced Baauer's "Harlem Shake." Oh the irony.

Here are some other aspects of the video to consider:

• What is the purpose of the guys in the video other than looking like they're posing for a 2 Live Crew album cover?
• Are those sports jerseys or did these kids really have Twerk Team shirts custom made?
• Why do the girls in the beginning of the video sound like a slow-motion video of a Mike Tyson knockout?

The students are in jeopardy of being banned from prom and the Class of 2013 graduation ceremony. I think things will "twerk" out for them in the end though. God, that's fun.